You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
