I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
