i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
