You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
