From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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