just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
