yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize