I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My penis needs a shock collar
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
