Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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