dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
