the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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