I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you had me at cake vodka
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
