a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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