Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just pee around me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
