Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
