I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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