maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
