Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
