Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
