That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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