Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
