This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
