I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
