Someone shit on the floor
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
