I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
