Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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