She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize