remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
