Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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