party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
