dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
pray to the hookup gods
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
