so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
