I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
