Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
