Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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