i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
