Ketchup is God's man juice
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
