just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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