I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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