Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
