Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize