i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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