I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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