Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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