No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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