Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize