please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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