ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
