Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize