dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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