FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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