As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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