I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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