it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
