there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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