No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
