If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize