dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
