I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
