mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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