my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
