I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
