Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
