the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
