I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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