Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
