My room smells like vodka and shame
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
