He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
