oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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