There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
