she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
