I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
