I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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