I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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