My first STD was from a foam party
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
