you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize