Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
