I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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